OK, I went to Baltimore and DC to see what was what.

I didn't realize that I'd come face-to-face with a lot of the farthest edges of my persona,
and end up challenging and ultimately dismantling most of the cherished verities on which I hung my hat. 
Before we proceed, you should familiarize yourself with the concept of 'COGNITIVE DISSONANCE.'
A very very trustworthy person once told me that In psychology, cognitive dissonance is an uncomfortable feeling or stress caused by holding two contradictory ideas simultaneously. The theory of cognitive dissonance proposes that people have a fundamental cognitive drive to reduce this dissonance by modifying an existing belief, or rejecting one of the contradictory ideas.

So:








Tamales are my new airport food. They have the triple benefit  of being
catastrophically delicious, hand-holdable, and really freaky to anyone
sitting next to you on a crowded airplane in Atlanta.





OK, welcome to Aaron's.






My mind has clamped like a bear trap onto the jingle from a television commercial: 'Baaaaltimore Haaaarborplace!'
This was a real homecoming that I didn't expect











We thought we'd take in a ballgame. My return to Camden Yards.



















We happened upon a lovely bar called 'Night of the Cookers.'
Our bartender was from Pasadena, MD aka The Dirty 'Dena.
Her name escapes me, but it included 'dizzle;' I honestly cannot remember which letter.
Either E-Dizzle or R-Dizzle or something like this.



She was as generous as she was beautiful, and served us complimentary shots of espresso vodka.








We made it home.





____________________________________

INTERMISSION
____________________________



Sometimes, two boys, minding their own business on the highway, will come across something that defies
normal notions of what constitutes modern life.
This would be a good time to consult your nearest volume concerned with image theory or semiotics.
The gulf between what these photos are able to approximate and the ecstatic pandemonium that washed over us in real life is boundless.
Let's leave it at this, and then let the images speak for themselves: it takes a lot to render either of us speechless.

Baltimore - Washington Pkwy. ~3:30 p.m. July 3, 2008.






Aaron, in the All Things Considered coffee room, NPR HQ, Washington. 
If I'm a natural instigator, he was born to fiddle with things.



__________________



I'll never forget this lovely apt.




I thought I'd just let you know that Russians are next door,
with the most awkward possible gesture.



ew broken beer soaked bag



Aaron: That's the best two-story McDonald's in the world.
Me: Surely there must be amazing two-story McDonaldses in Berlin and Singapore and shit.
Aaron: Well, it's one of the best in the United States.

New York Avenue, DC






___________________________

ANNAPOLIS
JULY 4
__________________













Here's when I knew we were onto something special. I was minding my own business,
having an iced coffee, looking at cars. It became clear that the other two saw something that I could not see. Like the moment in Jurassic Park (film) when Laura Dern is fucking with stupid plants like 'Alan this species of veriformen's been extinct since the Cretaceous'
 and Sam Neill is dumbstruck by something WAY WAY more important.  I AM LAURA DERN.



This is an Annapolis tour guide.



He has a Segway-based steed, whose dignified visage was constructed out of papier-mache.
 A most undignified moment occurred when the  21st-century equine—our guide having hitched him to a parking meter—tipped over and smashed his powerful yet expressive snout on the pavement. No outward damage was realized.




Luckily, Aaron is studying property law. He's had more than a few run-ins with
the Annapolis Board of Appeals so when we saw this he knew it was time to get the fuck out, and fast.





North Beach / Chesapeake Beach, MD. July 4.




Our man, the horse, wawa aba.


Maryland, especially Prince George County, has a lot of gang activity.





Later that evening...
Dirtiest. Feet. Ever.
Best fireworks, though, and a really lovely party.







Back in B More



...YES, REALLY!































_____________________

3.
In which we drag swimmers under
with extreme prejudice,
and having toyed with them,
leave them for the other sharks.

________________________________

It's an extremely unusual experience, dissonant even, in these modern times,
to have a retail salesperson attempt to dissuade you from a casual purchase.
Especially in the high-volume world of video game sales. In a shopping mall. Our GameStop rep did everything he possibly could to prevent Aaron from purchasing JAWS: Unleashed. He really, really, really, did not understand me or Aaron, at all.








It was over all too soon, but I 'give praise' that I was able for a moment to peer
 into another world
and come out with shark vision.


Exhibit A.






PBG